Today Jun 09, 2018: Mr Dewy VonAppleton Esquire

Today

Sun May 13, 2018

writing in the sunsetWriting in the sunset.

 

Mon May 14, 2018
Grocery Checker: Thanks for stopping in. We appreciate your business.
Me: Thanks! You too!
*nailed it*

 

Tue May 15, 2018

I voted!Vote! Vote every chance you get! I voted in our primary election today!

 

Fri May 18, 2018

Mr Dewy VonAppleton EsquireMr. Dewy VonAppleton, Esquire.

 

Sat May 19, 2018

Grace and JimmyFinally got Grace and Jimmy hung up in the entry of my bedroom! #RearWindow #ClassicMoviesMakeGreatArt

 

Sun May 20, 2018
I’ve been cutting my own hair for years. Here is the origin story of every short summer cut I’ve had.
me: “I’m going to trim a little more than usual.”
*snip snip snip*
me: “Hmm. That’s not really what I meant to do.”
friends: “You cut your hair!”
me: “Yep! Totally! It’s summer!”

 

Mon May 21, 2018

leaning purple flowersNow everyone leeeeean to the left! Reach for the sun!!

 

Fri May 25, 2018
Dental surgery day! I had to have a crown lengthening procedure done this morning. Which I am disappointed to report after 2.5 hours in the dentist chair resulted in neither jeweled headgear nor the ability to symbolically rule a country. It just resulted in stitches in my mouth, more pain and questionable bleeding than I would prefer, and instructions to ice my swollen face. (Update: I’m healing just fine…having the stitches in for ten days was the worst part!)

 

fireworksEvery year I watch my city’s fireworks show in my pajamas with my head stuck out this window, because I always forget about it until I hear the first booms while I’m already in bed. Pretty, but I let a lot of bugs in through the window!

 

Fri Jun 01, 2018
Let us all take a moment to celebrate the fact that Rick Springfield successfully worked the words “the point is probably moot” into the lyrics of a now perennial pop song. #JessiesGirl

 

Sat Jun 02, 2018

headphonesGetting to the oil change shop first thing in the morning proved to be so efficient, I barely had time to untangle my headphones before my car was done!

 

Mon Jun 04, 2018
Startup idea: Artificial Intelligence for parking garages that shouts NO in a semi-frustrated tone to warn you when what you think is a parking spot is actually a tiny car hidden behind a giant car.

 

Wed Jun 06, 2018

sitting under the flowersSitting under the flowers.

 

Thu Jun 07, 2018

mama and baby ducksMama and baby ducks! Spotted on my walk into work this morning!

 

swing time 1

swing time 2

swing time 3

swing time 4

This just in: It is an unscientific fact that time actually stops during the “Never Gonna Dance” sequence in #SwingTime. At least it does in my house.

Also…I FREAKING LOVE MOVIES!!! #TCMParty

 

Thu Jun 07, 2018

orange sky cloudsThe sky is putting on a show tonight!

 

Fri Jun 08, 2018
A majority of my comic misadventures begin with the words, “eh. I don’t need to move that clearly obvious obstacle out of my way” as I attempt to haul something heavy into my house.

Today May 12, 2018: Kites Are Fun

Today

This week’s title is a nod to the song Kites Are Fun by The Free Design (1967) – one of my all-time favorites! If you don’t know it, check it out! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epZOKYrVAn0)

Sun May 06, 2018

I only caught the tail end of this kite festival (pun very much intended), but it was cool to watch the few that were still flying!

Fun Fact: As a kid I saved up a bunch of Kool-Aid points and sent away for a big Kool-Aid Man kite. Oh Yeah!

Side Note to the Fun Fact: I also sent away for the Kool-Aid Man Intellivision video game. Boy did this video bring back memories, especially the sounds! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBqyjl1gkVw  When I wasn’t playing that as a young child in the early 1980s I was most likely playing Las Vegas Poker and Blackjack (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcbbsZfTayQ) or (quite possibly the greatest video game ever made) BurgerTime! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMYri7ylQlU)

 

Last of the evening sun’s shadows.

 

Mon May 7, 2018

Mrs. Brady is very concerned about the park being torn down to build the new courthouse. And, oh no…Mike’s the architect!

 

Tue May 08, 2018

Lilacs are blooming right on schedule!

 

Wed May 09, 2018

My new electric lawn mower, pre-first-voyage. This is as clean as it is ever going to look.

Me, 60 minutes later, post-first-voyage. The light doesn’t do justice to the redness of my face, but I feel my eyes give voice to my muscles as they scream, “we haven’t pushed a mower up that hill in a decade!” I mowed this lawn for 20-some years, then I let other people do it for me. I decided mowing the lawn myself with a non-propelled push mower would be a good workout. Let’s just say I was correct. Also, hey! I have allergies!! (Update: Three days later and my shoulders are still complaining.)

 

Fri May 11, 2018

How I think I’ll feel on Friday night vs how I actually feel. #FridayFeeling

 

Sat May 12, 2018

up past my bedtime me: *watches a 15 second video of someone yarn weaving on Instagram*

old-timey crafty me: hey!! wow!! I need a loom!!

tired me: oh my goodness no. you for sure need to go to sleep now before internet research wormhole you hears the words weaving loom

Today May 06, 2018: Mostly Absent April

Today

Welp. This daily thing is going fantastically well so far, am I right? It seems I managed zero weekly wrap-up posts in April. Trust me, you did not miss much. I didn’t feel well all month and it was ridiculously cold and snowy here. So, you basically missed what would have been a lot of me complaining about being cold and not feeling well. You really dodged a bullet there. But, the weather has finally gotten itself together, and given us a few beautiful Sprummer days (Spring/Summer? Hmm. I don’t know. It sounded quirky cool in my head. Now I’m undecided.) Anyway, here’s to a better May! I did manage to jot a few things down here and there in April…

(it starts out complainy…see I wasn’t kidding)

 

Wed Apr 04, 2018

This morning the temperature was 15°F. The windchill was 0°F. It is April 4th. That is all.

 

Sat Apr 07, 2018

snowy sunriseI was so excited to finally see the sun this morning, I started snapping photos like it was a baby taking its first steps.

I just washed out my ice cube bin. #SaturdayMorning #Adulting

 

Mon Apr 09, 2018

“Driving Home From Work Shannon” is always calculating how soon after walking in my home I could feasibly go to sleep.

“Still Somehow Awake An Hour Past My Normal Bedtime Shannon” is always left wondering, where did it all go wrong?

 

Tue Apr 10, 2018

“How heavy could it be?”, said “I Don’t Need Delivery I’ll Pick It Up Shannon”

“How Do I Get This Into The House Shannon” would like to thank her friend Science for its help. Special shout-out to Physics and Fulcrum! Couldn’t have done it without you! Apologies to my aching body.

 

Fri Apr 13, 2018

shoeless 1980s tiptoed for heels mannequin in leggings and cap and gown gripping diploma perched atop the to-go salads case staring out wistfully over the checkout lanes

– things I ask you to picture in your mind because I’m too self-conscious to snap photos in public

 

Sat Apr 14, 2018

Me as I sat down with my dinner: “I wonder what time it is? I’m starving and getting sleepy. Must be close to 7, I’d guess.”

Clock: It is 3:51 p.m.

 

Thu Apr 26, 2018

I bought a paper newspaper today. It’s delightful. There aren’t headlines scrolling by as I read. There’s no shouting and talking over each other. The ads aren’t flashing. And I get to do a crossword puzzle with a pen instead of a keyboard.

 

Fri Apr 27, 2018

Dear Pillow Protector Manufacturer,

Your use of the term “maximum allergy protection” implies there could be no possible allergy protection better for my pillow than what is in this package…that is until I turn to my right and see your slightly higher priced “ultimate allergy protection”. Explain yourself.

 

Sat Apr 28, 2018

I don’t know how this works, but I’m fairly certain these muffins I forgot to put in the freezer are going to transform into jumbo cartoon pumpkins in 48 minutes. #fingerscrossed

 

Tue May 1, 2018

When you balance yourself on the edge of the bathtub to dispose of a large spider high on the wall, sort of miss, shake the shower curtain to find it, and a spider of an entirely different size, shape, color, and variety dashes out sprinting across the floor of the tub…it’s spider season, my friends.

 

Fri May 4, 2018

Sunny (finally!) lunch break car picnic!

Today Mar 31, 2018: Anticipating Toast

Today

Sat Mar 31, 2018

I have heard three different Huey Lewis And The News songs on the radio today. I can only interpret this as the beginning of a new age in my life. A future I dub…

The Huey Renaissance.

 

Sat Mar 24, 2018

I just bought an area rug and a jar of pasta sauce. In the self-checkout. This, my friends, is why I love Target.

 

Fri Mar 23, 2018

I have enough free sample dental floss from my dentist office in my cubicle at work that I feel if I kept it on my person at all times I would be perfectly capable of using it to rappel into or climb out of a canyon should the need ever arise.

 

Thu Mar 22, 2018

…and Ice Cold Lemon Water.

 

Wed Mar 21, 2018

According to Google Translate, this decorative tile says, “The coffee maker is based on all earthly drinks.” I question its accuracy.

 

Tue Mar 20, 2018

I bought a new hair dryer. The high power setting could easily be mistaken for a jet engine preparing to taxi through my bathroom.

 

Mon Mar 19, 2018

There was a square dancing group performing in the atrium at work today. Delightful!

Also, today marked my 17th anniversary at my job.

I don’t think the two were related.

Or were they?

 

Sun Mar 18, 2018

Anticipating toast.

Side note: “Anticipating Toast”, also a stellar band name. Nobody steal that one. I’m gonna use it. I just have to learn to play an instrument first. No. I have no musical aptitude. I’ll just go ahead and name this post “Anticipating Toast”.

 

Sat Mar 17, 2018

Continuing my series of “Movies Everyone Else Saw Decades Ago” with my first ever viewing of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

 

Fri Mar 16, 2018

Not actually watching the movie tonight, but I flipped to TCM and feel it must be noted how much I love this house. The staircase. The window panes. The window seats. The fireplace. The open shelves. The ceiling beams. I need to live on a 1940s movie set. #TCMParty

 

Thu Mar 15, 2018

Accidental Sandwich Face.

Side Note: “Accidental Sandwich Face”, great band name.

 

Tue Mar 13, 2018

If you’re singing along with Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse Of The Heart, and by the final crescendo you’re not imagining yourself in full-body black spandex on a dark stage, arms outstretched like wings, while a twenty foot spray of white hot sparks shoot into the sky behind you, then you’re doing it wrong. #TurnAround

 

Mon Mar 12, 2018

“My submarine sandwich has been chipwrecked!”

I know. I’m sorry. I’ll just see myself out now.

 

Sun Mar 11, 2018

Hello, Squirrel.

 

Sat Mar 10, 2018

I love toast.

All kinds.

At any time of the day or night.

This is morning cinnamon swirl toast.

 

Fri Mar 09, 2018

Salsa.

 

Thu Mar 08, 2018

Conversation between the two people hovering over me as I sat in the dentist chair…

Dental Assistant: What are you looking for?
Dentist: A smaller hatchet, but we don’t have one.
Assistant: You want to try a spoon?

Clearly, “Hatchet and Spoon” will be the name of my new throwback 70s buddy cop show. Hatchet has the overly audacious mustache. Spoon has the overly ambitious perm.

 

Tue Mar 06, 2018

Never do I feel so close to Pa Ingalls having to hang on to and follow the clothesline between the house and the barn during the blinding blizzards of The Long Winter, as when I have to jump out of the car and grab a shovel to clear the knee-deep snow drift that forms across my driveway before I can pull my car into the garage. I mean clearly I’m one step away from grinding wheat in the coffee mill and fashioning a button lamp from calico and axle grease here.

 

Mon Mar 05, 2018

Ice pellets audibly bounced off my hood on my snowy lunch break walk. A walk for which I was not warmly enough dressed, because it was 40° warmer yesterday. I’ve been duped.

 

Sun Mar 04, 2018

“Did you drop your…”
“No.”
“Didn’t I meet you at…”
“No.”
“I’ll only be in town a short while…”
“Good.”
#TheMusicMan #TCMParty

Today Mar 03, 2018: Casual Evening Robe Goals

Today

Sat Mar 03, 2018

It’s a glorious 68°F today!

“I think I’ll go for a walk outside now
The summer sun’s callin’ my name
I hear ya now
I just can’t stay inside all day
I gotta get out, get me some of those raaays
Everybody’s smilin’
Sunshine Day…”

 

Thu Mar 01, 2018

Windy lunch break shadows.

 

Wed Feb 28, 2018

Someone brought treats to work today. I found a glazed cherry cake donut and brought it home for my evening snack.

Full disclosure: I just spent five full minutes choosing the best glamour shot of this donut. I seem to enjoy photographing food. And then eating it.

 

Mon Feb 26, 2018

You got your television reflection in my peanut butter waffles! You got your peanut butter waffles in my television reflection!

 

Sun Feb 25, 2018

Beautiful icicle-y sunrise.

 

Sat Feb 24, 2018

Ice.

 

Fri Feb 23, 2018

Today would have been my mom’s birthday. Cookies were my mom’s favorite food. Pink tulips were her favorite flower. I found this pink tulip cookie at Panera today! A person I follow on social media talked earlier this week about it being the 10 year anniversary of her mother passing away, and how emotional it is even ten years out. I am five years out, and she is right. It doesn’t get easier. It just gets different. Happy Birthday, Mom!

 

Thu Feb 22, 2018

DON’T GET ON THE TRAIN YOU WANTED TO SAY DON’T GET ON THE TRAIN I WANT YOU TO STAY
– me shouting at the tv with a mouthful of ice cream sandwich
#GoodbyeMrChips #TCMParty

 

Wed Feb 21, 2018

The zipper on my ten-year-old winter coat broke today. It is still winter, ergo I still need a winter coat. I went to a store where there remained a smattering of late season coats and found one that is technically too small, but was 50%, off and it zips, so it’s one up on my old coat. It’ll do for the next few weeks, but in order to be comfortable, I’ll either need to lose a few pounds before next winter or buy a new coat when a fresh selection arrives in the Fall. (Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen.) They also had gloves on sale. I tried on several pairs. So many pairs that they began to lose all meaning. You know, like when you repeat a word too many times and it stops being a word to you and instead becomes a garble of sounds mushed together. The fingers of the gloves all started to look weirdly short and stubby. Then I realized the pair that fit the best was a youth medium. I had been trying on youth sizes. And they fit. “Do I have baby hands?!”, I asked myself in a panic, suddenly questioning everything I know to be true. After a tense back and forth in my head I decided my hands are correctly proportioned to my statistically average height. Crisis averted.

 

Tue Feb 20, 2018

You know, the exchange of cash money for goods, especially at a drive-thru restaurant, is really rather odd when you think about it in the abstract. I had more than ten minutes to sit in my car and think about it in the abstract while waiting in said drive-thru this evening, and it basically boils down to this. “I am waiting in line to pull up to a square hole in the wall of a brick building, where I will give someone a small rectangular piece of paper. They will then give me back several more paper rectangles, a small handful of metal discs, and a bag full of bread, meat, and cheese. Then I will thank them and drive away.”

 

Mon Feb 19, 2018

Casual Evening Robe Goals.

#MaryAstor #BetteDavis #TheGreatLie #TCMParty

 

Sun Feb 18, 2018

57°F and I’m getting outside for a walk, heavy winds or not! I also got to sit in front of the open window and enjoy the cool breeze while working on my laptop later.

 

Today Feb 17, 2018: Hello Sunshine

Today

Sat Feb 17, 2018

Hazy sunshine trying to break through this morning. I love winter, but I’m ready for it to be over so I can go outside without wearing eight layers of clothing.

Hello, Sunshine, indeed! It finally broke through!

 

Fri Feb 16, 2018

I could carry travel costumes for the entire crew of the von Trapp Family Singers in the bags under my eyes this morning. Long week. Happy Friday everyone!

 

Thu Feb 15, 2018

Me watching any Olympic event: WOW! That was amazing!! So great!

Commentator: Wow. What a devastating mistake for this athlete. That is not what you want to see, folks. No chance of a medal now.

Me: oh.

 

Wed Feb 14, 2018

I was walking to my car at the end of a busy, stressful day when I passed by a random person who was playing a beautiful classical song on the piano in the atrium. Thank you, random person, for reminding me to stop and take a deep breath.

 

Thu Feb 13, 2018

My life will henceforth be divided into the time before and after I realized the lyrics to the theme from St Elmo’s Fire are “all I need’s this pair of wheels” not “underneath this pair of wheels”, a turn of phrase I always found puzzling.

 

Mon Feb 12, 2018

Stationary bike. Only one mile in five minutes, but I didn’t want to do it at all, sooo victory!

 

Sun Feb 11, 2018

Morning grape juice in my fish glass.

 

Today Feb 10, 2018: New Year, Familiar Waffles

Today

Sat Feb 10, 2018

My lamp and today’s mug should have called each other last night to make sure they weren’t going to wear the same thing today. Target’s 2017 home decor color schemes were on point. Matchy-matchy.

 

Fri Feb 09, 2018

Snow! Part Deux: Bigger, Badder, Fluffier!

 

Thu Feb 08, 2018

That moment when you’re staring confusedly at the television wondering what kind of weird movie trailer this is and then realize it’s a fragrance commercial.

 

Wed Feb 07, 2018

Hypothesis: Stress noticeably dissipates from your body while listening to Henry Mancini’s Baby Elephant Walk.

Test Sample Size: 1

Results: Hypothesis Confirmed.

 

Tue Feb 06, 2018

Snow Pants: a haiku

Seven minute walk

Wind chill far below zero

Snow pants, I love you

 

Mon Feb 05, 2018

Snow!

 

Sat Feb 03, 2018

The only thing that sounded even remotely good for lunch. Eggos and peanut butter.

 

Thu Feb 01, 2018

Last night, about 90 minutes after I fell asleep, I woke up from a nightmare screaming in terror with no sound coming out of my mouth. I had to turn on the lights and the tv until I was ready to go back to sleep. When my alarm went off in the morning I was having a dream that I was in a giant warehouse in front of a speeding newspaper printing press with papers whizzing by. At the end of the press I watched as the pages magically bound themselves into a large, heavy, hardcover dictionary. I was so excited I picked it up, opened it, and stuck my head in to smell the new book smell of the warm pages. It was a wild night in my brain.

 

Sun Jan 28, 2018

Chocolate Peanut Butter Chocolate late night ice cream snack.

 

Fri Jan 26, 2018

Nothing feels better for an exhaustion headache on a really cold day than when your body is bundled up nice and warm in a coat and you walk through a street corridor between two tall buildings and the jet stream of wind freezes your bare head like an ice pack. I mean maybe something feels better but that felt really good today after a long week.

 

Tue Jan 23, 2018

ME EVERY TIME #FiddlerOnTheRoof
COMES ON TV:

Hmm. I’m busy. I should switch this off.

Well. I’ll just watch long enough so I can sing Tradition.

Well. I’ll just watch until I can sing Matchmaker.

Well. I’ll just watch until I can sing If I Were A Rich Man.

Well…
#TCMParty

 

Mon Jan 22, 2018

I start re-reading this favorite childhood book during every blizzard.

 

Doing the dishes.

 

Sun Jan 21, 2018

The late night sky has a different hue when there is rain or snow in the air. When the house is dark and I see the sky through the slats in the blinds it’s almost pink. Precipitation Pink.

 

Sat Jan 20, 2018

A wave of nostalgia in the frozen foods section possessed me to buy a bag of tater tots today.

 

Mon Jan 15, 2018

I bought this shirt 4 years ago, having never seen the movie, fully confident I would one day make myself legit. Tonight is that night. I am nothing if not perpetually 35 years late to the party! #ReturnOfTheJedi #MovieMonday

 

Sun Jan 14, 2018

I somehow took 24 photos of my pasta, because I didn’t realize my finger was holding down a button as I held my phone. An hour later Google Photos presented me with a stylized animation of said pasta sitting perfectly still on my plate.

Thank goodness for technology.

 

Sat Jan 13, 2018

Accurate depiction of my face while watching the end of #CloseEncountersOfTheThirdKind for the first time tonight. Riveting! Beautiful score too. #DVRtheater #TCMParty

 

Thu Jan 11, 2018

Finally got to have some vacation day fun this afternoon! Now I need a nap. And pizza. Not necessarily in that order.

 

Sat Jan 06, 2018

A: Two.
Q: How many days was I into my New Year’s goal of doing my extremely simple exercise routine every day before I pulled my hamstring?

And to be honest…I may have technically tweaked it getting out of bed after a nap after exercising.

#NewYearNewYou

 

Fri Jan 05, 2018

Week one after the holidays and there still seems to be glitter everywhere. I don’t think I was even involved in anything glitter related this year and it’s still everywhere. Wait. See Jan 01 post…2018 Glitter Glasses. Mystery solved.

 

Tue Jan 02, 2018

Sunset.

 

Mon Jan 01, 2018

Who Wore It Better This New Year’s Eve: Glasses Edition! Me with my 2018 Glitter Glasses over my prescription eyewear or the PBS Nerd logo on my t-shirt?

Reset

Essays, Today

Surprise! It’s me. I’m still here. What’s 14 months between friends, right? I’m sure we’ll pick right back up, like no time has passed, as all good friends do. Look, let’s just lay all our cards on the table here, 2017 was a roller coaster of a year where most days I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water, if I may mix three metaphors in one sentence.

When I get bombarded with too many stimuli, my body and mind enter into a state I’m terming: Internal Processing Survival Mode. My brain shifts into thinking overdrive, my energy gets funneled into only the things that need to be done by the end of the current day, and I require a lot more time alone to recover from being out in the world than I usually do. (And to be clear, the usual amount of time alone I need to recover my energy is already inordinate. All my fellow introverts, say HEY!)

If 2017 was wearing a t-shirt, it would just say “STIMULI” in big bold red letters.* This meant for me, a year of nearly continual Internal Processing Survival Mode, which left precious little brain power for writing.

As 2018 rolled around, though, something in me started to shift. My world has not slowed down. I can’t explain it other than to say, my inner self said, “It’s time to get back in there.” So, here I am.

But, I needed a reset. I redesigned my blog and I have a different plan going forward. I’ve archived all of my essays from 2013-2016 to another site. They can still be found by clicking the “Essay Archive” link in the menu, but I wanted a fresh start on Maybe You Can Relate.

I’m working on a longer form writing project that I’ve wanted to do for several years, but it’s a long-term project that I will be working on behind the scenes. I didn’t want to not publish anything else while I am working on it, but I wanted to be realistic about the fact that I don’t have enough mental and physical bandwidth or time to write essays here every week while also working on my other project.

Instead, I started a journal-esque category on my blog I’m calling “Today: Daily randomness. Published weekly.” In an effort to get my mind used to thinking like a writer again, looking for stories in daily life, I will try to come up with one small thing to record every day. I didn’t want to actually post them every day though, hence the “Published weekly.” part. It might be a photo, or a thought or fact from my day, or just a nonsensical bit of humor from my brain. If it has hashtags in it, it’s probably something I posted on social media as well.

I started recording things for MYCR/Today on January 1st, so the first post contains entries from then until today.

The understanding and community I feel between the people I interact with in this world, in person and online, by glimpsing into their daily lives and thoughts, and letting them glimpse into mine, is something I truly treasure. So, to all of you who have taken the time to follow my rambling over the years, thank you. You are appreciated and thought of more than you know.

Here’s to 2018, everybody!

*Behind The Scenes Writer’s Commentary: My writer’s brain is rusty. I really was hoping for a better joke there. However, I so enjoy the idea of the year 2017 wearing a t-shirt, that I left the line as is. Bad editing? Yes. But this is just my personal blog. I’m not trying for a Pulitzer here.